God is faithful

For this reason I say unto you, whatever you make a request for in prayer, have faith that it has been given to you and you will have it ~ Mark 11:24

It wasn’t a smooth road for P’s job hunting. It was rather a very long, dusty road. If you’ve been to one of the remote areas/barrios in the provinces of Philippines, you get the idea of how it feels like travelling on a non-cemented road – dusty during summer and muddy during rainy season not to mention the uneven surfaces, potholes, pebbles that would now and then get nuzzled by the wheels sending them ricocheting unto your windscreen, the dungs left by farm animals along the road.

One could look at it as a miserable journey. I don’t exactly know how this whole experience affected him but it definitely opened my eyes on the very things that remain true.

Throughout that long, dusty road I’ve learned to be content and enjoy the view that comes along a place unchallenged by civilization. Enjoying the quietness and unhurried lifestyle, the fresh air, the nature itself, being close to God’s creations. The life journey has taught me the value of time and perseverance. The time spent with the kids, seeing them grow up right in front of you are some of the great things that had happened. The perserverance of pushing through even if life or others put you down. To this effect, it's holding on and having fresh hope each time new opportunity to apply for a new job arises.

I have always claimed Mark 11:24 whenever we apply for a role; holding on to God’s promise that He will grant P that job. Through the years, my faith and my prayer has evolved from requsting Him to give P any IT job into asking Him that He give the right job for P at His own will. And God is faithful. He gave the right job at the right time. It wasn’t a smooth road for me too. I came to a point when I have to question Him why He hasn’t been answering my request. I guess the whole experience taught me that it’s not my time but God’s time makes all the difference. The difference between an answered prayer and a rushed goal. The difference lies on the quietness of the heart through the whole process. Maybe it’s knowing and feeling that God is in control.

my eyes

I was looking at my mirror, doing my usual grooming - putting on moisturiser, some make-up powder, and eye enhancers to suit whatever out of the house activity we're off to. I try to apply face moisturiser daily. Even if my skin is a combi and even if the weather says otherwise.


This day, that moment, looking really close at the mirror, I found myself witnessing something else. My eyes are starting to show some wrinkly feel and look. 


This is not about vanity.


It just hit me. I only equate wrinkling of eyelids with those on queue of the ageing bus. And I can't believe I'm starting to show signs of getting into that direction. What made it even more frightening is the realisation from within you that life gets into you, knocks you on the head for whatever reason it wants you to realise.


It made me think. What have all these years etched on to me.


Hmmm. life is too short. And I'm freaking out. Wish I can see my eyelids wrinkle until all boasts the beauty of its crinkly, wrinkly skin whilst I tender to my goals with much love and contentment.

A remembrance

On 14th December 2010, we bid farewell to a well-loved part of the family. It has been a very tough times for everyone. But we place our comfort knowing she's in a much better place now. A month has passed since.

She had been fighting the battle with the big C. But I don't see it as a lost for her but gain. Here's why:
Nena's blog

I was given this honour: give a eulogy to the person who meant so much to me:

We cousins call her Tita Nenz but I’ve known her and fondly referred to her as Ninang. Ninang is Filipino word for Godmother. Back in the Philippines, it’s tradition especially for kids to look forward to Christmas with much joy and anticipation. This is the time wherein we receive gifts from our godparents (Ninongs and Ninangs).

I only have 1 pair of godparents which limited my gifts to two – that’s one from each. But, it didn’t turn out that way. From my memory, the only gift I received from Ninang was a rice cooker she gave me for my wedding 4 years ago.

But I’m not complaining. She gave me more than I expected. Much more than the Christmas presents one can receive from their ninang. All through these years, she has given me these gifts: she has taught me the value of humility, patience, goodwill, respect, and love.

She had become an excellent and brilliant mentor. She’s always been gifted to teach. She was very good in explaining mathematical/statistical/chemical problems in a very simplistic way. Explaining complexity into simplicity where one can easily comprehend. Everytime my brothers and I have assignments concerning anything with numbers, Mum would have this line ready for us: “Naka ta tepet moy Ninang mo ta anta tu tan!” (Go and ask you Ninang, she’s good in that). And everytime, Ninang wouldn’t disappoint us. No number problems were difficult for her. I admire her scholarly capability. But what I admire her more is her humility.

She gave time to anyone who asked her for help. She didn’t make anyone feel insecure but instead she patiently explained until you understand them. And you’ll embrace her and respect her for her humble personality. She told us once that humility is the quietness of the heart.

Through the years, I’ve come to know and witness her kindness, wisdom and strength. She has instilled in me the importance of giving one’s best in everything they do. And that the true measure is knowing you gave your all and God knows you have done so.

She has been a source of great comfort. Always there to listen to any problems. She doesn’t just give a piece of her mind but she shares her heart with words of wisdom and comfort of God’s words.

The last weeks that followed before her passing, I have been blessed to see a person not being dragged down by the disease. I have never seen such strength, courage, peacefulness, and quietness of someone on the face of death.

In a few days, we’ll be celebrating Christmas. We will be missing her when we gather together as a family for a salu-salo. Her stories and laughter will be sorely missed. But we are comforted knowing that she’s celebrating Christmas with our living God. Knowing that she’s home at last.

When I learned about her passing, I’m lost for words coz I don’t wanna say goodbye. Now I have these few words: Ninang, I’m forever thankful for all the good memories, your teachings, wise words to share and love that I felt from you. Thank you for always believing in my capabilities. I’ll always carry you in my heart. I’m grateful and very blessed to have you as my Ninang. Truly, truly God has made everything beautiful in its time (Ecc 3.11).

~~~~
Nena De Guzman-Alvarez
1955-2010
A great Mom, Wife, Sister, daughter, Aunt.
UPLB BS Ag Chem 1976; UPLB MS Plant Breeding 1978; UPLB PhD in Plant Genetics 1989; Massey Univ PhD in Molecular Biology 2005.

Learning through and through

it's so unfair when life lets you get through an unfair situation. A situation where you have nobody to hang on to, to redeem your honor and dignity. But the worst part is knowing that someone will be there for you but turned out to be just a wishful thinking -- a shadow hanging on watching you fall and get whisked and drowned.

When you thought you knew everything, then you'll know you knew nothing. When you though that life will treat you kindly, then you'll realize life isn't easy. I have been to a very nasty emotional situation years ago. So nasty and so complex that it still haunts me even today.

People would say, it'll make you stronger having gone through such. Say this, say that.... they do go on. Like they knew what I've been through! But did I? I come face to face with my own feelings. Hard as it may had been. I know I've learned a lot. I learned that life has it's own ways of getting you into trouble. I've learned that friends, no matter how much you care for them, will betray you. Not all though. Only those with their own selfish reasons and motives. And the deeper the friendship, the deeper is the pain of betrayal. I've learned that not all people will like you. You learn, and you learn, and you learn.

Finally, when the clock stops ticking, moments of realization kick in. I've learned a lot but have I learned to deal with the pain it caused me? Then you sit, trying to fathom and ponder: have i really learned a lesson? Or have I just agreed to accept these consequences just to get through the pain?

Have I really learned my lesson? Or have I just accepted things the way they are as they come into my life? I knew I learned a lot. But I never learned how to let go of the pain. And that's the saddest part of it all.

perplexed

Oftentimes, our lives reflect what our hearts voice out. Our own initiatives to make our lives more worthwhile is more often a mere shadow of "what-ought-to-be"s. Our own emotions bring us to situations and events in ourlives wherein reason would finally catch up a minute too late.

Do reasonable minds explain the intricasies of our human mind? Or does emotion explain it better, with the different facial expressions, bodily languages one has to convey for his/her side is to be understood better?

Life is intricate. I am forever perplexed with its meaning, its purpose, and its ending. Is there ending to a beginning? Theoretically, yes. But what happens when we die? Is that the ending or the beginning? Or is it the ending and a beginning? What do we get from all of this?

Will our hearts rest the mind? or is it the other way around?

if only

if only
i have the time to bring back
old memories from long ago
from places i know

a place of yearning
my soul has been searching
for life brings me memories
i can only dream i possess

looking back has always been spent
with utmost glee and fret
for memories i do not agree
with everything that has happened to me

childhood hopes and dreams
frustrations from families and friends
all but make up the life i have
spent wondering if only i have

About Weddings at Baguio

Here's an exerpt from Manila Bulletin's "About Weddings" where Baguio City weddings was featured:

http://www.weddingsatwork.com/prep_talk.shtml

Interviewed by W@W owner regarding planning for a wedding at Baguio. :)